Fri:

Had a very eventful day, switching from feelings of anger, disappointment, uncertainty, insecurity, resignation to finally, happiness.

Going in chronological order, had a meeting with the big-shots in the morn and came back to witness a scene that I didn't like. Unfortunately, some pple had to be at the receiving end of my temper due to tt and I was angry and unhappy. It didn't help that I had to follow up on certain things due to the morning's meeting.

By a stroke of luck, my coll and I suddenly decided to head down to MacRitchie Reservoir for our company's event. I never intended to go at all, and it was a split decision made over lunch. Had a good afternoon at the reservoir, with the full knowledge that I was earning salary by sitting on the benches, enjoying the scenary and just waiting for life to go by. Ha! But the nagging thots were in my mind.

Disappointment (and I am told my face changed completely) then followed. I believe my mood was affected at PS and I wasn't pleasurable company, so I do apologise for tt. What followed at night is sth that I can't believe until now. I slept at 4+am.

For fear of jinxing the whole thing, I shan't say too much, safe for the fact tt yes, happiness followed. But no, I am NOT attached, for those KPO ones out there.

Sat:

Woke up feeling happy and satisfied, which is a huge change from the whole week that just passed. For the last 5-6 days, I was feeling terribly tired and easily agitated. Watever happiness tt I had was short-lived and feelings of uncertainty were experienced. So yes, it was w a huge sigh of relief and knowledge of better days to come tt made this weekend extra special.

Due to the late nite the previous day, I had to rush to get my hair cut b4 heading to Expo. Maybe I am just a superstitious woman, but I tend to feel that things aren't gg smoothly for me when my hair grows a tad longer/untidier. So yes, I was more than happy to get my hair cut, though it kinda looks too short from the front now. But nvm, hair will grow. =)

I am not sure if it's cos I doubted God in the past week, but yes I felt a sense of guilt being in the congregation that late afternoon. But by the end of the svc, I felt a renewed sense of identification. The 2 arms of the cross signify luving God wholeheartedly (vertical arm) and luving pple fervently (horizontal arm). More importantly, I shouldn't let the Voices of Doubt, Criticism, Selfishness and Limitation overcome the Voice of Faith. There are unlimited possibilities and yes, a church without walls is the way. I was surprised that we hv svc for the autistic and down syndrome kids and their families. I feel touched that we have transcended the normal societal boundaries. I tink I am now beginning to share in the enthusiasm that the general congregation possesses.

Christina n I then headed for Toa Payoh to meet our acctancy frens. Somehow, I felt that there is a growing sense of disconnect btw them and me. Mayb I am sensitive, but I can't identify with the worries that they have. Am I too sheltered? Possibly...but I choose to believe that it is cos of the different beliefs, morals and guiding principles in our lives, due to the different experiences that we have. Which may not be a bad thing, cos I am learning new things and fresh perspectives. Or mayb I am seeing things for their stark truth nowadaes. Cue for zen-like tinking in my brain...Haha...Oh well, or mayb it is cos I am feeling happy (but a corner of my brain tells me that this state may not last long and I will revert to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment soon. But I will fight to keep those feelings at bay.)

Aniwae, a flying cockroach got all of us screaming at HDB Hub at 1+am. Unbelievably, my cousin was sitted at the table behind us and we said hello. The youths today are really growing up...when I was 19yrs old and in my 1st yr in uni, I dun rem hanging out till so late with a bunch of guys (and another gal).

The nite ended at 3+am. Afternote - I am happy tt XH took our advice into consideration and replied a sms. There may not be any progress (n mayb tt's a gd ting), but at least u tried. 1 more ting: U r a totally luvable gal n u shld snap out of yr inferiority complex. I noe noting we say will change yr mind, cos I experienced all tt myself too. I can only say time and the rite experience will enable u to snap out of this tinking. Of cos, meeting the rite guy will also help. =p

Sun: