Sunday, October 29, 2006
The Usual
Nothing much to update, cos I realised weekend after weekend, I am just spending my time doing the usual things, so nothing new or interesting. That said, I will nevetheless squeeze some brain juice to entertain my readers =).
Let's see...I discovered the great basement of SMU over the weekend. There's a whole treasure of stores below e.g. Kopitiam (as in the foodcourt), Killiney Kopitiam, Watson's, Optical 88, OCBC and UOB Bank, L'oreal etc! Other than the shopping that one can do, it's of cos so exciting to be walking down the long passageway cos there are posters and events screaming at you from the noticeboards. Posters screaming 'Vote for Me!' and details of events to sign up for were plentiful and it brought to mind my own JC and uni days. Those were the days...I feel old, esp when i realised that i am hitting my 3rd year at work! Time really flies.
Went for my 1st Prayer Meeting today. Pretty overwhelming, cos everyone around is praying fervently and in tongue. However, I think I should be used to it by now, so it's fine. Just that I dun hv tt many things to pray about, so in the end I ended up repeating myself or describing in greater detail. Haha...
I may have great news to announce this week..stay tuned!
Belief in Life wrote @ 10:26 PM 0 comments
Friday, October 27, 2006
2 promises that I must keep
1. Not to bite my fingernails
- Nothing ever works. I am intending to buy the Sally Hansen's anti-nail biter thingie. Not sure if it works. Coming to the end of 2006 and I am still biting when 1 of my New Year resolution was not to. Nvm, I got around 1.5mths to kick the habit. Wish me luck!
2. Say Grace b4 I eat
- I realised that I always forget to, until AFTER I finish the meal. I shall remind myself via the hp alarm. Hopefully this works...=)
Belief in Life wrote @ 1:06 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Long Weekend
This whole week in office wasn't very good, bcos the exodus of staff has certainly impacted on everyone. It's not so much that the workload is bothering me, but the general feeling of an identity crisis. No sense of belonging and I am always so glad when the workday draws to a close. I hope it will get better when new staff comes onboard, cos i fear that the exodus will continue after the year-end bonus.
Fridays are always fun, and last Friday was no different. We met up with our ex-colleagues and surprise surprise! Out of 10 people present, only 3 (inclusive of yours truly) are still with the company. We had a gd time chatting and catching up, gossipping about so-and-so, the next resignation, job oppor and life in general. Left for home at around 10+, 11pm.
On Sat, reached Huan's hse at around 3pm, cos I woke up late. Proceeded to finish up the task on hand b4 we proceeded to Cityhall. Had zha jiang mian and 10 xiao long baos. It's agony to eat to so much, and I hv once again resolved to eat in moderation. After all, I am getting fat around my tummy. Proceeded for drinks at BK and sent Huan to the bus stop. Proceeded to catch Death Note at The Cathay. (Side note: Death Note is a crappy show. Dun watch, unless u hv time & money to spare. Even then, make sure no other shows r worth watching b4 u watch Death Note. It's tt bad...) My 2nd time there this week. I think I will always have a soft spot for The Cathay from now on. Rushed home after the show at 2+am, cos my mum was nagging. If not, who knows what time the evening will have ended...
On Sun, woke up early for service. Went alone for the 1st time and I had quite an enjoyable time. Perhaps i felt more at ease, no need for small talk and thus, less inhibition. I guess everyone I know will be surprised by the change in me, chiefly in terms of my ability to get out of bed so early during the weekend. Guess what? I am surprised myself too. =) This week's sermon was on finding our purpose in life. I dun think I have as yet found my purpose in life, but I am a happier person these days.
Proceeded to the Metro Expo Warehouse Sale to find my parents. Bought a pair of shoes and some tops. Met YN, her sis and her mum, as well as some colleagues from other divisions. What a small world! Once again, it has reinforced tt Singaporeans have too little places to go over the weekends. Hurried over to TM after that to meet Huan and Zhen, where I was grilled in detail about what's happening in my life. Sometimes, I am just so glad to hv frens like them! It's just so comforting to be able to pour out my worries, speak the truth and not worry over what they think and they will not hesitate to say tt I am thinking too much. 3 cheers to our frenship!
On Mon, went for ktv at Marina Square. The 2.5hrs spent singing seemed to fly pass. Didn't get to sing as much as I will hv liked. Not very shiok! Haha...After that, walk around abit and enjoyed the relative emptiness of the shopping malls cos it's a workdae. Proceeded to esplanade where we visited the Library and Roof Terrace. Hvn't been here for the longest time and I still feel more refined whenever I visit the place. Haha..false illusion. After tt, caught my 1st RA show in my entire life at Cineleisure - My Summer of Love. I wasn't too impressed and I have resolved not to watch another RA show in my life again. Too much vulgarities and nudity scenes. I really don't understand how the show won awards, but then again, I am the kind who will always enjoy brainless comedies tt dun win awards but win big at the boxoffice in terms of revenue. So who's to say popular and mainstream aren't good?
Been gg out too often over the wkend, so today is for resting and catching up w myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am knowing new frens more at the expense of my old frenships. Is this a sign tt pple move on? But I don't want to...then again, it has brought to mind the striking difference in our lives and wat we want out from it. In any case, I wun think too much and let nature takes its course.
Veelo and Spinky, I hope u are enjoying yrselves in Korea now!
Greenie, I hope your eyes are ok!
Vin, I hope you are coping w yr studies!
To the rest of u whom I hv neglected, I hope u r still doing well in yr chosen arena and leading a happy life! God bless!
Belief in Life wrote @ 10:54 PM 2 comments
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Decided to pause by the altar and see who had come to pray.
Just then the back door opened, a man came down the aisle,
The minister frowned as he saw the man hadn't shaved in a while.
His shirt was kind a shabby and his coat was worn and frayed,
the man knelt, he bowed his head,
In the days that followed, each noon time came this chap,
each time he knelt just for a moment,
A lunch pail in his lap.
Well, the minister's suspicions grew, with robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
"What are you doing here?"
The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
For finding strength and power.
"I stay only moments, see,
because the factory is so far away;
as I kneel here talking to the Lord,
This is kind a what I say:
"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.
DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM
CHECKING IN TODAY."
The minister feeling foolish, told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
To come and pray just anytime.
Time to go, Jim smiled, said "Thanks."
He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar, he'd never done it before.
His cold heart melted, warmed with love, and met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed, in his heart, he repeated old Jim's prayer:
"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT
I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY."
Past noon one day, the minister noticed that old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim, he began to worry some.
At the factory, he asked about him, learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried, But he'd given them a thrill.
The week that Jim was with them,
Brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious.
Changed people, were his reward.
The head nurse couldn't understand why Jim was so glad,
when no flowers, calls or cards came,
Not a visitor he had.
The minister stayed by his bed,
He voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared.
He had nowhere to turn.
Looking surprised, old Jim spoke
up and with a winsome smile;
"the nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that in here all the while
everyday at noon He's here,
a dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
Leans over and says to me:
"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM,
HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP,
AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.
ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,
I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY,
AND SO JIM, THIS IS JESUS
CHECKING IN TODAY."
If this blesses you, pass it on
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
May God hold you in the palm of His hand and Angels watch over you.
But for those of us who are already His, He not only holds us in the palm of His hand, but has engraved our names there, and we are continually
in His sight (Isaiah 49:16)
Please pass this page on to your friends & loved ones.
If you aren't ashamed. Jesus said,
" If you are ashamed of me," I will be ashamed
of you before my Father."
If you are not ashamed, pass this on. But only if you mean it.
Yes, I do love God. He is my source of existence and Savior
He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I
will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing but with Him "I can
do all things through Christ that strengthens me." Phil 4:13
This is too good not to share -
So this is me ... Just Checking In
Belief in Life wrote @ 4:19 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Thoughts
I sense the truth in her words, especially in light of the current situation. Hence, I shall strive to be brainless (or rather choosing to be simple-minded) cos there really is no need to think too much. I am beginning to sense the difference internally:
- I look forward to hearing his voice.
- I am pleasantly surprised by what he says (sometimes).
- I think before speaking to anyone, bcos I know he wouldn't want me to say some things.
- I learn new things from him, e.g. how to treat others. Sometimes, I really feel I am a lousy person in comparison.
- I want to think that life is simple if we choose it to be so.
Belief in Life wrote @ 12:35 AM 0 comments
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I am glad we both agreed that we spent an enjoyable evening with each other. I am happy really, and I am ok.
Maybe I did spoil the evening towards the end and I know I shouldn't have unrealistic expectation. I shouldn't think too much. For me, talking to my frens about this helps me release my pent-up frustration and worry (if any). I know you will prefer me not to tell my frens, but I think I will have gone mad with unilaterally thinking too much. I hope you understand.
Anyway, I will correct my thinking and use a normal heart to treat you. It's abit complicated/confusing for me right now, because in my dreamland, I guess I want so much more, when I know we both don't want to in reality.
If we are meant to be, I believe the road in front of us will be illuminated clearly for us to walk. If not, whatever we do will also be futile. Right now, promises made will mean nothing. We don't know what we want, although the future is for us to build. Whether or not the future is one together is however still a question mark.
We'll enjoy this while this lasts, and come what direction this may take, we will both decide with a smile, not tears, at the end.
Luv, E
Belief in Life wrote @ 3:40 AM 1 comments
Friday, October 13, 2006
Wed - Went for external meeting at 3.30pm, which meant that I knocked off early and proceeded to Bugis for shopping and dinner with Huan.
Thurs - Exchange at Goodwood Park Hotel. The food's good. It's the life..working day and all, sipping tea. Taitai's life. Unfortunately, was there for work purpose, so had to network. Boss asked me to think about a change of portfolio (yet again!). But operational word is THINK, so yes, think it will be.
Fri - Karen came to visit us. Been half a year since we knew each other, and sometimes I can really tell the age difference between us. Yet I see myself in her. Watching movie with Huan at PS since my sis can't make it. My coll just told me tt i got off the hook for the change of portfolio thingie, so that's tt.
Sat - International White Cane day. Will be helping out in some game booths.
Sun - Service
My mind is still on some other things. I have never been so glad that Friday has arrived. It's not about work, although it is beginning to get to me at times. Not due to how busy I may be, but well, life in general. Let's see what I will update on Monday. =P
Belief in Life wrote @ 8:44 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Pig's Brain and Chicken Legs
Belief in Life wrote @ 12:56 PM 0 comments
Monday, October 09, 2006
Belief in Life wrote @ 1:09 AM 0 comments
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Let's see...what have I done over the weekend. I feel so sleepy and today's only Monday. How to last through the whole week? Gone case...=)
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:
My weekend is over just like this! How did the 2 days passed by so quickly?
Belief in Life wrote @ 12:41 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 05, 2006
I know I shouldn't be grabbing/hanging on so tightly. And I guess it's time to release my hold and just let go. Let him fly. Like what I wrote in the card, I still believe that as we each explore and find our own North Poles, we may one day discover that we do live in the same world after all. And it will be at that point in time that we realise that we have a strong enough Why to bear every How.
Belief in Life wrote @ 2:15 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Is it too much to expect him to inform me about a decision he made? Yes, I know we are just frens, but if I am important enough to him, it won't be a matter of informing me 'by the way'. I wonder if I didn't overhear, wld he even find it necessary to let me know beforehand.
I am just downright disappointed. And he's right to the extent that we perhaps now know each other's true character. I quote 'If there is so much unhappiness now when we are just frens, what about the future.'
Right. He said it. And it's true. So need there be anything more to say?? Y do I feel as if the world's tumbling down on me again. I am so useless.
Belief in Life wrote @ 10:34 PM 0 comments
Insight from Last Night's Bible Reading
Belief in Life wrote @ 8:07 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Tribute to my Colleagues
So here it is, a tribute to them. I will miss all of you! I just hope that as all of you move on to bigger and brighter places, the rest of us left here will also have new and nice colleagues joining us. Onwards we march!
Side note - Cos United Square is known for being catered to rich children, I was looking at all the cute baby clothes when my colleagues asked me why I was even looking at those. I said I can always get married and give birth, and she remarked she can't imagine me being a mother. Truthfully, I can't imagine myself as a mother too. But a check in one uni fren's blog tells me that her bf has proposed to her and they are going to embark on a new phase in their lives soon. Makes me wonder when I will ever grow up, if ever. It of cos helps that none of my closer frens hv or will be married soon. Ha!
Belief in Life wrote @ 10:00 PM 0 comments
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Weekend Muses
Fri:
Had a very eventful day, switching from feelings of anger, disappointment, uncertainty, insecurity, resignation to finally, happiness.
Going in chronological order, had a meeting with the big-shots in the morn and came back to witness a scene that I didn't like. Unfortunately, some pple had to be at the receiving end of my temper due to tt and I was angry and unhappy. It didn't help that I had to follow up on certain things due to the morning's meeting.
By a stroke of luck, my coll and I suddenly decided to head down to MacRitchie Reservoir for our company's event. I never intended to go at all, and it was a split decision made over lunch. Had a good afternoon at the reservoir, with the full knowledge that I was earning salary by sitting on the benches, enjoying the scenary and just waiting for life to go by. Ha! But the nagging thots were in my mind.
Disappointment (and I am told my face changed completely) then followed. I believe my mood was affected at PS and I wasn't pleasurable company, so I do apologise for tt. What followed at night is sth that I can't believe until now. I slept at 4+am.
For fear of jinxing the whole thing, I shan't say too much, safe for the fact tt yes, happiness followed. But no, I am NOT attached, for those KPO ones out there.
Sat:
Woke up feeling happy and satisfied, which is a huge change from the whole week that just passed. For the last 5-6 days, I was feeling terribly tired and easily agitated. Watever happiness tt I had was short-lived and feelings of uncertainty were experienced. So yes, it was w a huge sigh of relief and knowledge of better days to come tt made this weekend extra special.
Due to the late nite the previous day, I had to rush to get my hair cut b4 heading to Expo. Maybe I am just a superstitious woman, but I tend to feel that things aren't gg smoothly for me when my hair grows a tad longer/untidier. So yes, I was more than happy to get my hair cut, though it kinda looks too short from the front now. But nvm, hair will grow. =)
I am not sure if it's cos I doubted God in the past week, but yes I felt a sense of guilt being in the congregation that late afternoon. But by the end of the svc, I felt a renewed sense of identification. The 2 arms of the cross signify luving God wholeheartedly (vertical arm) and luving pple fervently (horizontal arm). More importantly, I shouldn't let the Voices of Doubt, Criticism, Selfishness and Limitation overcome the Voice of Faith. There are unlimited possibilities and yes, a church without walls is the way. I was surprised that we hv svc for the autistic and down syndrome kids and their families. I feel touched that we have transcended the normal societal boundaries. I tink I am now beginning to share in the enthusiasm that the general congregation possesses.
Christina n I then headed for Toa Payoh to meet our acctancy frens. Somehow, I felt that there is a growing sense of disconnect btw them and me. Mayb I am sensitive, but I can't identify with the worries that they have. Am I too sheltered? Possibly...but I choose to believe that it is cos of the different beliefs, morals and guiding principles in our lives, due to the different experiences that we have. Which may not be a bad thing, cos I am learning new things and fresh perspectives. Or mayb I am seeing things for their stark truth nowadaes. Cue for zen-like tinking in my brain...Haha...Oh well, or mayb it is cos I am feeling happy (but a corner of my brain tells me that this state may not last long and I will revert to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment soon. But I will fight to keep those feelings at bay.)
Aniwae, a flying cockroach got all of us screaming at HDB Hub at 1+am. Unbelievably, my cousin was sitted at the table behind us and we said hello. The youths today are really growing up...when I was 19yrs old and in my 1st yr in uni, I dun rem hanging out till so late with a bunch of guys (and another gal).
The nite ended at 3+am. Afternote - I am happy tt XH took our advice into consideration and replied a sms. There may not be any progress (n mayb tt's a gd ting), but at least u tried. 1 more ting: U r a totally luvable gal n u shld snap out of yr inferiority complex. I noe noting we say will change yr mind, cos I experienced all tt myself too. I can only say time and the rite experience will enable u to snap out of this tinking. Of cos, meeting the rite guy will also help. =p
Sun:
Didn't do much today, other than catch up on reading newspapers. I am not sure if it's age or learning about a new faith or sth else, but I feel that I am a happier, more positive and contented person nowadaes. Which is gd..seems like the weight of all that has been bothering me has been lifted. I want to walk the way of a man rejuvenated, and rid myself of the weariness. Heck, I even tink I can forgive certain pple for doing watever they did previously. I shan't be as childish as them. *winkz*
Belief in Life wrote @ 7:18 PM 0 comments
