Monday, August 07, 2006

Thoughts

They told me that I have such a pessimistic view of relationships and people on the whole, that this affects the way I react to others. I.e. because of the way I think, I have accordingly modelled myself, thus projecting an image of myself that may not be exactly likeable. This causes a vicious cycle to ensue, since people will then dislike me, thus perpetuating my pessimistic view.

I thought about it and realised that it makes sense. Bcos of what I think others will think and react, I behave in a manner to ensure the most protection to myself. In the process, I project an image of being proud, self-centred and uncaring of others. When people then behave accordingly, I will then feel that I am right all this while. But this is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I hide, the more people will misjudge me.

Thus, I have decided to be true to myself and not be afraid of doing things anymore. It is a fact that I am weaker and true frens will just accept me for who I am. Nobody can have the ability to hurt me more than myself, and I think it is time for me to grow up and to accept that different people will behave in different manners. I should not be sceptical of others' real intentions. It may take a while, but I am trying to change. After all, this has been internalised in myself for too long...