Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Getting withdrawal symptom from lack of soccer matches to watch. Somehow it was pretty fun waking up at 3am to catch the match, when I jolly well know that I had to work the next day.

Prepared for our Desaru trip on Sun. Currency has been changed, stuff not packed, but mentally and emotionally very ready to leave.

Not sure if I am supposed to be happy or unhappy about the sudden attention at work. It can get pretty stressful and I just want a peaceful existence. On the other hand, it feels good to be appreciated for my 'potential' after 1 year of doing rubbish. Just that I am sceptical about how genuine everyone is. I mean, in the workplace, it's more like everyone for him/herself, right? Besides, the more I do, the more I may make mistakes, thus the more I will take the fall for. I guess my mentality has something to do with working for 2 years already. Disillusioned and my personal take is no one can be trusted in the office, no matter how good a friend they may be outside of work.

To top it all, I don't see any progress made in my social/romantic life. It has all along been one-sided and stupid me just can't accept that I don't exist in his radar screen. I am so useless. It's time for me to look beyond now. Either I tell myself to wise up and be a happy single who earn her own keeps, or I jolly well just pluck any guy from the streets and be happy with him.

I am tired of hearing people say that I am pretty and my standards must be sky high to not have a bf. Y can't everyone just accept that I am not the one picking? The cards are not in my deck to choose. The few cards that I received, I may have discarded or not even bothered to flip them, but fact remains that there are too little cards in my deck. Thus, no winning combi of cards = Losing game.

Living 1 day at a time now. Started to revisit the idea of pursuing my studies. When things get tough in reality and emotionally, it's time to plot my escape route. Just that I am not sure if I can just up and go. Too many factors to consider.

Is my pessimism getting to me again? Or am I thinking too much yet again? Oh well, just airing some random thoughts here and it feels kinda good to let it all out. =)