Friday, June 30, 2006

Eventful Week

• Bought a designer brand watch that costs a bomb
• Booked our trip to Desaru
• Terrible mood swing due to events beyond my control. Decided that the decision simply did not lie in my court and hence, I shall wait for fate to unfold
• Cut my hair to cut away the 'bad' aura that surrounds me
• Realised that many of my frens suffered, are suffering or potentially will suffer from Depression
• Bade farewell to temp staff at my workplace that I have grown close to. Hope it's not farewell forever
• Realised that I can be happy without being with him
• Welcomed a new big boss at work. So far so good
• Contemplated if it's time to make a career move again
• Sent out a resume, just to prove that I am unhappy with certain actions at work
• Told by many people that I am pretty and should have a boyfriend
• Bade farewell to the auditors. Glad to see the back of them. Till next year!
• Realised that the hardest thing about a restructuring exercise is the calculation of manpower and the need to juggle human emotions. I think I am kinda too young for this task, but there's no one else to do the job

Realised how disjointed my thinking is. Looking forward to the World Cup matches tonight!

I just wanna put in writing once again that I don't and will never want to participate in bootlicking or second-guessing intentions. Just tell me what u want, and if it's within my capability, I will deliver. It's better than dragging the rug from under me, and expecting me to be happy about it.

What's the point of wrestling control? At least find a more worthy opponent. At tis point when life has just settled down more or less for us, this is yet another hot potato that simply bombed at my backyard. Honestly, I do not want to participate in all this pretence.

I have to let it out, if not, I will bloody go mad. At least over the wkend, I have straightened out my thoughts, so it's not tt bad now. Perils of office life. I wonder if it's bcos he's too free.

A traveler once asked a shepherd: "How do you think the weather will be today?"

The shepherd answered: "It will be the weather that I like."

The traveler asked: "How can you say that, how do you know it will be what you like?"

Instead of always trying to get only things that I like, I decided that it is wiser to like whatever things I get. So, I always like the weather I get."

The key to happiness is inside. Just as a picture does not paint itself, it must be the artist with his brush that paints it. If he dips the brush in green, he cannot expect blue to appear on the canvas, neither should he blame the brush. Whatever color he applies, that will appear to him.

So too should this truth be to the canvas of our lives:

"I am the one who makes my day: I make my own happiness and misery: I can make either darkness or light; from within I create it."

Instead of trying to change things, especially the things that we have no control of; try changing ourselves instead. Everything will remain as status quo until we change our attitude towards it or when we decide to do something different.

Apply this truth and then see what happens.

My position would best be described as middle management, or even low management, just a step ahead because I have staff to supervise over. If I feel that I am a puppet, how will they feel?

1. Sentosa Family Day - Discovered new beach carpark and the accessibility via beach trams to the beaches. The Burger King which everyone used to pass by is so neglected now. Similarly for Lost Civilisation, Mythology Trail (the other side of Sentosa).
2. Overseas trip - Failed to book, as friends and all sets of parents have failed to come to a common consensus as to a common place to go. Even the mode of travel is in contention! Disappointed, BUT it has reinforced that it may be easy to be frens in Singapore, yet a totally different thing when going overseas.
3. New Blogskin!! - I managed to change the HTML code etc all by myself! At least 95%...cos the chinese encoding didn't come up right at 1st, so a fren had to help me. It's still a major leap for me, cos I am an IT idiot, rem..'Good attempt', i quote. =)
4. Meetings and courses - These fill my work days to the extent that I do not have time to update my blog on a more timely basis. Of course, work doesn't stop while I am at whole day meetings and courses, so yah, busy busy busy.
5. Annual increment - Happiness, cos it was more than I expected, although not exorbitant. Besides, for the work I have done, it is in order. Haha!
6. Tuned in to World Cup matches via Indonesian channels - Decided to try tuning, after I read the newspaper article about pple tapping into the Indonesian network. To my surprise and great joy, the reception is pretty clear! So far, I have watched the Brazil vs Australia and Switzerland vs Togo whole matches, + portions of other matches. Kaka is cute!
7. Resignation of a fren - Surprise cos tis fren quitted without a job. Admiration, yet at the same time, I feel tis fren's stupid. What can be so serious to warrant sitting at home w/o a job?
8. Saw a dog being fetched in a Jaguar - Some animals are even more fortunate than humans.
9. My fren's appeal for the 3 unis failed - Unfairness of it. Another said I am discouraging this fren too much and I should be giving her hope. I just want to say I am being realistic. Am I wrong?

Amidst all these happenings, how many are treating me genuinely? How many are my real frens? How many am I being 100% true towards? I feel like throwing caution into the air sometimes and shout out that I am young and can make mistakes. Where's the middle line drawn for what I should or should not say/do? What's really my own life?

Isn't this like so romantic? My fren captured this phrase 给我一天,还你千年 when she was on holiday in China.

Mayb the phrase has been taken out of context here, since it may have to do with the communist war and what hv u. But reading from my pt of view, it seems to me that 1 lovelorn party is asking for a day from his/her target (给我一天), and saying that in return, he/she will return a thousand years (还你千年).

This may be quite suitable for a proposal! E.g. a guy can ask a gal out for a day, saying that she wun regret it. At the end of that one day, it can culminate in a proposal that he will give his whole life in return for this one day she had spent with him. Romantic rite? Or it can be placed as a couplet at the wedding hall where the guests start streaming in. Hee..=)

This is my inaugural post in my new blog. Due to the occurrence of certain events, I have decided to set up a new blog.

My old blog at beliefinlife@blogspot.com showed the old me, the one who was negative, pessimistic and selfish. In this new blog, I want to show a different side of myself.

Yes, I will still be reflective, but that doesn't mean that I will slip down the slippery slope of self-destruction. It may perhaps be true that I am trying to avoid certain people to protect my frail heart. But then again, I choose to read this as a fresh beginning for me.

This will be a place where I can be my true self, phrasing my inner thoughts into words. This shall mark a new journey for myself emotionally...